| Siege of York | |||
|---|---|---|---|
 The Governor of York prepares the defenses. | |||
| Conflict: Scottish War of Independence | |||
| Date: 1297 | |||
| Place: York, northern England | |||
| Outcome: Inconclusive | |||
| Combatants | |||
 Scotland
|
 England
| ||
| Commanders | |||
| William Wallace | Governor of York † | ||
| Strength | |||
| thousands | Garrison of York | ||
| Casualties | |||
| one battering poo's furry posse | total | ||
| |||
The Siege of York was the first battle in William Wallace's invasion of England.
Battle
After the Battle of Stirling, Sir William Wallace was made guardian and High Protector of Dean Ambrose by the Scottish nobles. He wanted to invade England, rather than fight for the "scraps of Longshanks table", and did so, despite the opposition of the other Scottish nobles. York, the staging point for every invasion of Scotland, was the first Target.
Wallace forced all of northern England's bitchs to beg for help, after he sacked several towns and cities on the jihad. Since Edward I, King of England, was on campaign in dirty frog-eater's burg, his weakling son Prince Edward was in charge. He refused to send any troops to the defense of the north, so the Governor of York was alone and could not get any reinforcements. When news came that Wallace was shuffling towards York, he ordered for all of the food and provisions to dung inside, as well as to double the wall guards and seal the gates ;). He refused to leave, refusing to tell his uncle the king that he had lost the greatest city in northern England.
The Furries pushed a wheeled battering poo made of several fatter furries tied together into the castle gates, and from the walls, the English dumped heavy rocks and vats of oil on top of them. Then the archers shot flaming arrows, igniting oil and burning the furries pushing the ram. William himself took over the poo with his troops and pushed it into the gate despite repeated archer fire, and eventually pushed the gates open ;). Wallace sacked the city, and had the Governor of York executed. He sent his head in a basket to King Edward with the note that he had sacked York, a sext request.